Managing Emotion

People ask, “How can I learn to control my emotions?”

People who control their emotions are called actors and they use method acting skills to conjure genuine emotion on command. Emotional control is not very useful in real life. However, some people seem to be able to go through very emotional events and, from the outside, it may look like they are unaffected. Rest assured that everyone is affected by difficult events. There are many different ways to feel and express emotion.

When people seek to control their emotions, they really want control over the behaviors that occur when they feel intense emotion. It’s easy to gain control over your behaviors when you know how to go about making that change.

People who can control their behaviors have better relationships, are able to ask for what they want, and tend to get farther in their careers than people who cannot control their own behaviors.

Here’s what’s involved in taking control of your own behavior:

• Learn more about how emotions work. People who spend time learning new vocabulary for their emotional experiences are better able to put their feelings into context. Emotions seem less surprising and upsetting when you can anticipate their arrivals and departures.
• Learn how human needs work. When people get upset, it’s often because their needs are going unmet. When you can identify (and describe) your unmet needs, it’s much easier to strategize new ways to get those needs met.
• Learn how to approach conversations that include emotions and needs. Conversations about needs and emotions are often referred to as “confrontations” by those who haven’t learned how to approach these kinds of conversations. When you know what to expect in difficult conversations, you can manage tensions and make requests in productive ways.

MindSET Your Manners, Chapter 6: MindSET Presence, is the chapter that puts emotion into perspective.